10. The nagging and prodding necessary to get your children to do something that should take 60 seconds.
Get your jacket. (You get your socks, shoes, and jacket and return to find your child without a jacket, but playing with a car.)
Monkey, I asked you to get your jacket on, so we can leave. (You gather your purse and keys. Your child is still without a jacket, but now has two cars racing.)
Monkey, I’m not asking again. Put your jacket on. We are leaving. (You got get his jacket and put it on him. He immediately beings to whine.)
Mom, I wanna do it myself. (Mom pulls her hair out!)
Mom, where are my shoes?
Are they by the door?
Did you look in your closet?
No. (Goes to look and returns.)
Were they there?
Where did you last have them?
On my feet.
Funny. Where did you take them off?
By the couch.
They’re not there. Brother must have moved them. I’m going to get him. (Fight ensues. Mom breaks up the fight and begins to look for the shoes. They are not by the door. They are not by the coach. They are not visible in the closet, but if you move the jacket huddled in the corner, there they are.)
8. The drama involved in the loss of a favorite toy.
Mom, where’s my plane with the six missiles and the broken wing?
I don’t know. Where did you last have it?
I don’t know. I can’t find it.
Well, pick another toy to play with. (And that is the absolute wrong thing to say!)
But Mom, that is my all time favorite toy. (Collapses on the floor.) It’s the coolest toy we have. (Begins to weep as you offer other options to play with.) I’d rather play with that toy than any other toy we have. We could give all our other toys to kids with no toys, if I just had that plane with six missiles to play with. (If only they would live up to those threats!)
7. The enforcement of rules that they should know by now.
When you take a bath, your clothes go in the hamper not on the bathroom floor. (We’re still working on this four years later.)
When you pee, you flush the toilet AND wash your hands.
Morning Routine (See #9 and 10); School; After-school snack; Playtime; Homework fight; Dinner; Bath; Bed
Oh wait, we have to be at soccer at 5:30 unless the coach texts that the time has been shifted 15 minutes.
Wednesday night, somewhere between the Homework fight and dinner, let’s get to church.
Thursday night, U8 soccer double header, following the Kindergarten music presentation. Sure, why not?
4. Cleaning up one mess only to stumble upon another.
Thank you for cleaning up the toys in the bathtub and putting the toothpaste away.
(La de dah)
$#!& Who colored on the dining room table?!?
3. Laundry, unending piles of laundry.
Where is my soccer uniform, coaching polo, Buzz Lightyear shirt, the pants with the cool pockets, the shirt with the french cuffs?
In the washer, in the dryer, in the basket I haven’t folded, in the basket I just folded, in your drawer. I have no earthly idea. Wear something else!
Dad, I’m hungry.
Son, we just ate 30 minutes ago. Weren’t the three plates of food enough?
They were then, but now I’m hungry. Can I have something else?
1. You know you will wake up and do it all over again!!!
Hit the snooze! Just a few more minutes!!!!
Crap-I forgot 5. That’s how tired I am!
I’m going to take a nap.
Prayer focus: those who parent