Being a Paraprosdokian, God Bless you!

This post is brought to you by the great American practice of using other people’s work, just ask Milli Vanilli. Some call that plagiarism or a lack of intellectual integrity. As a teacher, I would agree; but as a blogger, I call it a God-send to get a post up.

This post comes from our church’s bulletin, aptly named “The Spirit,” and put together as a weekly labor of love by our amazing secretary. Our pastor writes a section each called “Charlie’s Church Chuckles.”  Enjoy!

School begins one week from tomorrow (August 13th). So, when the kids come home from school and you ask them (Like my Daddy used to do to me all the time), “What did you learn today?” They usually answer something flippant, or they say, “Nothing”, or they roll their eyes at you-Right? This time, you can teach them a new word-paraprosdokian. The word means “a figure of speech in which the later part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected; frequently used in a humorous situation.” Therefore, since I am always telling you to smile when you can, enjoy the following paraprosdokians.

  • Do not argue with an idiot. He/She will drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.
  • The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it’s still on my list.
  • Light travels faster than sound. That is whey some people appear to be bright until you hear them speak.
  • If I agreed with you, we’d both be wrong.
  • Knowledge is knowing that tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
  • To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
  • A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. My desk is called a work station.
  • I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted a paycheck.
  • You do not  need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute if you plan on skydiving a second time.
  • I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not sure.
  • You’re never to old to learn something stupid.
  • Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be.
  • Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
  • When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.
  • Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

Now, wasn’t that fun? Don’t you feel better? Don’t you feel smarter, as well? If you still are having trouble grasping all of this, let’s talk.

Great sense of humor, pastor! And if you go to church with me and haven’t seen this, come on…read the bulletin!

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